What to Do and How to Act when You See Your Ex!

Picture the scenario if you will; you receive an invitation to a wedding of a close friend only you met this friend when you were with your ex. As couples, you used to do things together and spend time as a foursome. Now you realise that if you have an invitation so does he/she. It’s time to work out what to do when seeing an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend after a break up that you perhaps are still struggling with. Perhaps it’s not a wedding and you have to see them at another event or you keep bumping into them. It’s time to get your game on and learn how to cope.

Meeting your ex for the first time after a breakup

If this is the first time you are going to be seeing them since your break up then there are a list of things that you are going to need to consider. You need to prepare yourself with an encounter with an ex both physically and mentally and you are likely to experience a range of emotions that you may not be prepared for. So, what can you do?

Preparing yourself to see an ex-boyfriend

Stop worrying about whether you have put weight on or whether you look OK and work with what you have. Ladies – get your hair and nails done, get your spray tan on and go for that dress that makes you look amazing. Maybe there is an outfit that he really liked you. Perhaps you could treat yourself to something new. This needs to be a real “look what you’re missing” statement. Even if you don’t want to get back with your ex, you still want to look and feel great when you see them. Nothing worse than walking out of the house in your Uggs and pyjamas with hair all down your face and bumping straight into them. Get your hair and nails done and rock that outfit.

And for the gents preparing to see an ex

Now gents, for those who are the hair and nails may not be as much of a focus but still make an effort to look well groomed. Get your hair cut, have a shave. Make yourself look good and if you’re feeling like going all out, tap up your mate or your boss for their Porsche Boxer maybe.

Mentally prepare for an encounter with an ex

We’ve all had that nightmare right – the one where you try to scream and you open your mouth but nothing comes out? That’s exactly what you don’t want to happen. You need to be cool, calm, collected and confident. Of course, that’s easier said than done but you need to find your inner calm and make an attempt to hold a conversation that is coherent and comprehensible. Mentally prepare yourself for seeing them and perhaps run through the possible outcomes in your mind beforehand.

Keep your composure and the moral high ground

What you want right now is the moral high ground – especially if they hurt you unnecessarily. It may have been a mutual breakup in which case you may not have an ax to grind but this is no time to start dragging up past issues. Be polite and keep the conversation light. Don’t charge straight in with a serious chat about the whys and wherefores of your breakup. Just ask how they are, how their work is and maybe how the dog is for example.

Don’t flaunt a new partner

There is no need to stand there and declare your undying love for a new boyfriend. If you end up seeing your ex and actually having a conversation with them you want to look happy, like you are over the break up and are moving on. Shoving a new boyfriend into the conversation just looks a little bit like you are either gloating or that you are not over them. If you bump into them with your next boyfriend in tow and the new boyfriend is in tow then introduce them like a grown up and then make excuses to move on. Don’t stand there chatting about the ‘good old days’ and don’t make your new boyfriend feel like a pawn in some sort of game unless you want to end up single again.

Remember why they are an ex

If you are at a party and having a few drinks and it feels comfortable and secure, stop and remind yourself why you broke up. If there is a danger of you falling back into old habits just for old time’s sake then stop and have a word with yourself. Don’t drink too much and perhaps ask a friend to bail you out if you look like you may do something that you end up regretting.

Do your best to look like you are coping

Do not under any circumstances fall apart right there and then and burst into tears. This is not the look you want. There is no point in chatting to an ex while you have mascara tears rolling down your face and you are struggling to catch your breath. You need to try and look serene. If you really can’t cope perhaps you can excuse yourself to go to the toilet or to talk to someone else. Perhaps use a friend to rescue you with a code signal.

If you are secretly falling apart inside try and maintain a level of external composure at least. It can often be painful when you bump into an ex or have to see them at social gatherings. Don’t go out of your way to avoid them but instead try and look like you have everything under control and that you are happy in your life. Remember the reason for your breakup and remind yourself that you are better off without them. It doesn’t hurt however to look great, exude confidence and show that you are coping just fine without them.